i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
