Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
