Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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