Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
