i just wanna soil my oats bro
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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