false alarm. still invincible.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
