That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize