I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
