does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
two words...techno handjob
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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