so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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