He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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