Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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