We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i out mim tonsoeep
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