I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
