I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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