I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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