I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
