Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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