I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize