sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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