Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
