he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
