I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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