We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
