giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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