When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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