we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
