Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
