He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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