I hate your face
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
