He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sext me about skeletons
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
