I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
