Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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