hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
