John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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