On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
