Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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