do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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