This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everclear isn't food dammit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
