I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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