He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
