If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
