I'm really into asian looking animals
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How external is "for external use only"?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
