found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize