What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
