Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
