Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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