At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
