There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
