Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
