just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
