The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
