The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How does it feel to date your dad?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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