Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize