Girls should come with a carfax report
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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