doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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