12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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