I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
