my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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