Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
