So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
