He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize