Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
