Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
