We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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