Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
