Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
