If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize