An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
