Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
