Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
