bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
God, I missed his penis.
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