I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
