well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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