apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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