now i know why i became what i already was.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
